Present: An Epiphany

I had an epiphany today as I drove home through the rain.

If I am truly focusing on the PRESENT, 

I don't need to be kicking myself for the past - past mistakes, past shortcomings, 

they don't have a hold on me. 

A few nights ago, as I was laying in bed, some memories of mistakes I had made in the past came to mind. Things that I had thought I had fully repented of. Things that I thought I had moved past. As I was laying there, I started to doubt myself. To wonder if I was just imagining that I had been forgiven. An awful, overwhelming feeling of fear and depression filled me.

I thought, When we are forgiven, aren't we supposed to forget? When we repent, aren't things supposed to not bug us any more? Or weigh on us? Isn't forgiveness like a big pink eraser?

That night, I prayed. And I prayed. And I prayed. And I didn't feel any sort of resolution or hear any sort of answer. During the past few days, I've prayed. I've prayed to understand the process of repentance. I've prayed to feel that sense of peace that God will forgive me when I screw up, fall short, lose my temper. When my Natural Man side takes control.

And then today, as I was driving home, the thought hit me that these thoughts and feelings don't come from God. They come from Satan. They are full of self doubt and self pity and are the opposite of faith. Satan wants us to doubt ourselves, he wants us to doubt God.

Hebrews 8:12 says 

"Their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more."  

Christ is speaking here.  The scriptures don't teach that WE will forget, but that Jesus and Heavenly Father will. 

In Alma 36, Alma is speaking to his son Corrianton, calling him to repentance. Alma speaks of his own past, his own mistakes:

"I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more." 

Harrow means to cause to suffer. Alma says his memories don't make him suffer any more because he has repented and been forgiven. He never says that he forgot them.

My heart filled with joy and peace. The past is in the past and I don't have to worry about it any more. I think that we are meant to remember our mistakes. They teach us. They help shape us into the people we are. They refine us. We aren't supposed to forget them, but we aren't supposed to dwell on them either.

Don't let yesterday use up too much of today. 

~Cherokee Proverb